break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
When are your genitals available?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Randomize
