any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
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