It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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