I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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