if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
