Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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