Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
