I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
