I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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