P.S. I can't hear my feet
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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