I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Randomize
