mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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