he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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