Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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