you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
he laminated a picture of his dick.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
