I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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