hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
