Did you just see the Batmobile???
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
