How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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