Grow some girl-balls and come out already
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize
