Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
