WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Randomize
