the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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