That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize