Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I have fence marks all over my body
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize