You made me cry and you don't even care
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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