8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
where are my eyebrows?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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