and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
