Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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