and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I want to be your penis for a week.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
sex in a hospital.. check
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
