he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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