Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
