oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
