Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
