I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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