a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
