he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
