I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
