In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
