There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
You had me at "let me see your balls"
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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