he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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