Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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