The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
