i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Randomize
