I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
