Define "chronic" masturbator.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
