bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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