I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
