hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
