shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
