My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
