Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
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