if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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