even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
