Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
