i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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