shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
