Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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