Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
