Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
