thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
