Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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