My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
