1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
A+ Viking dick
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