Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
