my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
you didnt know i had herpes?
her facebook's as public as her vagina
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
