She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
