he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Randomize
