my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Randomize
