I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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