the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Randomize
