I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
